THIS IS OBVIOUSLY A PAGE WITH SOME WIT AND JOYFUL SATIRE OR HUMOR, EVEN OF A DIFFERENT SORT

"THERE WAS A BROTHER..." "There was a brother in my congregation back in the 70s who was a little "slow" and didn't always have appropriate things to say. One Sunday, after the public talk and Watchtower study, he approached an elder in the lobby who was talking to two elderly sisters and asked him "Do you have any naked pictures of your wife?" The elder looked aghast and very emphatically said "No!" The brother then asked "Would you like to buy one?" I have always wished I had a camera in hand to take a picture of the elders and the others around him. The expressions on their collective faces were priceless." (Jim Moon on Facebook)

Great to wear to Assemblies on your chest or forehead at Kingdom Halls, Conventions etc -- or to leave copies around to be found there.  Of course, you could also post or mail some. 2011 Governing Body Members

Great to wear to Assemblies on your chest or forehead, or leave copies of in the Kingdom Hall. A funny as seen on JWD!

WHAT THEY DID BACK WHEN BY FOOLSPARADISE: Towards the end of my untheocratic worship i would make sure no one was looking and I would x out peoples names on the school schedule writing canceled or I would draw arrows from one persons talk to anothers as if they had switched talks because of going out of town or something. (By foolsparadise on JWD forum) FROM SIZENIK: We had a particularly obnoxious PO at one time who was an awful speaker . . . very dull and condescending.  Anyway, the Congo was saving for a new hall and he was giving a progress report during a 'special needs' part . . . he set about berating the Congo for not supporting the fund and at one point said . . . "$7000 in 2 years? . . . I could have saved that on my own" Immediately a voice from the rear of the hall said quietly but nevertheless audible to all  "Well why didn't ya then".  Suppressed giggles followed not to mention an intense inquiry that lasted about two weeks . . . but he was never exposed.  When asked if i knew who it was . . . I lied.  I took him out and shouted him a beer (and dinner) instead. (By sizemik on JWD forum) http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/208470/1/I-used-to-take-the-talk-schedule-off-the-back-board-and-make-adjustments WOBBLE WROTE: We had an Elder who just loved the sound of his own voice (not an uncommon fault amongst Elders I believe).  He was the kind who if the previous guys had left him some spare time on the platform by doing shorter than scheduled items, he would fill the time, arrogant t--t. One time he was last on the Service meeting with the gift of a spare 15 minutes !  One Bro. couldn't stand the thought of that time being wasted by bro. Blowhard, so he altered the clock that resided on the wall of the K.H and all on the platform went by it. Blowhard realised something was up, still went a few minutes over his alloted time, but finished the meeting early. While his eyes were closed doing the final prayer, the clock was corrected, Tee Hee. Afterward he went around trying to find out who had altered the clock, he never did know for sure who it was. That was a brilliant "adjustment" in my opinion.  Well done my little bro. (I studied with him, the timekeeper, obviously taught him well !) (By wobble on JWD forum) http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/208470/1/I-used-to-take-the-talk-schedule-off-the-back-board-and-make-adjustments

WATCHTOWER'S SHOCKING SECRET YEAR 2010 ELDERS MANUAL Item above from Watchtower Uncensored on Facebook.com

Item above from Watchtower Uncensored on Facebook.com

WATCHTOWER-STYLE LEADERSHIP

WATCHTOWER-STYLE LEADERSHIP WATCHTOWER GOVERNING BODY INCLUDING "THE THREE COMMANDERS"

WATCHTOWER-STYLE LEADERSHIP

VIDEO: "LIFE-STYLES OF THE RICH AND CULTIC" Click to watch a short comedy by the former Jehovah's Witness anti-cult activist Randall Waters in the mid-1980s: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rPx3p-gv4w&feature=player_embedded

Hezekiah 10:14 as satirically seen on JWD by some dear poster using "Crisis Of Conscience for his or her name: "And on the 30th day of the menstrual cycle of his mother, the LORD proceeded to report the total time spent in the work of the LORD, namely the ministry. And he proceeded to the local counter at the temple and requested a time slip, made of the finest papyrus. He gave thought to his activity and found it fair to say that he self-sacrificingly devoted 120 hours to the work this month. And he continually did this from that day on, for 3 and 1/2 years, until his death."

Source: Watchtower Uncensored, Facebook NO KIDDING!  HANDY FOR ANYWHERE PEOPLE ENTER THE WATCHTOWER ZONE LIKE AT CERTAIN KINGDOM HALLS IN MISSOURI!!!

Source: Watchtower Uncensored, Facebook WATCHTOWER KEEPS BRAGGING JEHOVAH IS BLESSING THEM WITH GROWTH.  BUT OUR OWN EYES AND PHOTOS TELL OTHERWISE!

Source: "Nelson Birdwell," Facebook  THAT 2010 CONVENTION WITH "NEW LIGHT" ON THE OVERLAP GENERATION WAS SO CLEAR THIS SISTER IS STILL TRYING TO SCREW HER HEAD BACK ON!

Tresdecu on the JWD forum wrote: Came across this post by a friend of a friend etc...I won't post his name with the comment, but this was on his wall: "Thank you everyone who wished me well today. Although I appreciate it, I hope you all know that as one of Jehovahs Witnesses, I dont actually celebrate or do anything commemorative for my birthday.  "i was planning to go out clubbin tonight, not as a celebration of my birth, but as a celebration of me finally being able to drink and party legally."

A PAGE WITH SOME WIT AND JOYFUL SATIRE OR HUMOR, OF A SORT You need not worry, Mrs. Public.  Jehovah's Watchtower Society organization says "repentant" pedophiles are good to preach at your door, nobody's perfect, and I've served my time... Oooops!

Source: "Nelson Birdwell," Facebook MORNING AFTER THE 2010 WATCHTOWER CONVENTION ABOUT THE NEW LIGHT OF THE "OVERLAP GENERATION."  GUESS SHE RAN ONE TOO MANY LAPS!

SIGN SEEN AT A CONVENTION: The sign above was found commented upon at: http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/195707/1/Funny-sign-at-convention

WHEN SATAN MATERIALIZED AT A KINGDOM HALL It was April 15, 2010.  A few minutes before the Watchtower Study got started at the Kingdom Hall in Rich Mount, the congregation was just starting to sit down in chairs from visiting, when suddenly, Satan the devil materialized totally visible on the platform up front of the hall.  Everybody including all the Elders and Ministerial Servants started screaming and running for the back entrance, tripping and falling all over one other, super desperate to get out. Before long the entire Kingdom Hall was entirely empty save for one older Jehovah's Witness man.  He just sat there calmly in his chair not moving and seeming undisturbed although the devil himself had visibly come to the meeting.  Satan floated over to the man and asked, "Don't you know who I am?" The man smiled, "Why, I sure do!"   "Aren't you scared of me at the least just a little bit?' Satan asked. "Well, no.  Not at all," the old man replied. "Don't you know that I can kill you in the blink of an eye?" asked Satan. "I got no doubt about that.  None at all," the old man answered calmly.  "And you know that I can cause you hellacious agony!" persisted Satan.  "Oh, yeah. I know all about that, alright," the old man answered calmly.  "And you're not afraid?  Not even just a little bit?" asked Satan.  "Nope, not at all," answered the old man.   Aggravated to no end, Satan now asked, 'Well, then, tell me why you aren't afraid of me?" The old man smiled, "I've been married to your sister for nearly 55 years years now, plus attended this place nearly 60." The preceding was modified from a joke told at http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/191914/1/One-day-at-KH

Item above from Watchtower Uncensored on Facebook.com

A LIGHT SATIRE RE THE "NEW WORLD" Dear Brothers,      Please include the reminders below in the NRO (New Resurrected Ones) 2-year review meeting. Thank you. WELCOME TO THE NEW WORLD! We hope your stay here has been a pleasant one. However, to assist in making your new life pleasant and enjoyable, please consider the following reminders. 1. With regards to food, we must ask you newly resurrected ones to please get over the idea of eating meat. This is particularly important in view of all the animals walking around now. Thus… 2. NO, you cannot have a hamburger, filet mignon, or baby back ribs. Look, everyone is going through adjustments to be here, it's not just you. After a while, you will get used to vegetables--really. 3. Many of you are anxious to get in touch with long lost loved ones, but you're going to have to be patient. There is no email anymore. So those of you who were alive in the last days of the old system, you're just going to have to rely on word of mouth and/or letters for now. You can't update your Facebook page, nor tweet "I can't believe I made it!" on your Twitter account either. We don't have any plans for anything resembling the Internet until at least after Satan is removed from his abyss and destroyed, so you're looking at least 1,000 years minimum. (Now you can appreciate how everyone else lived before the 1990's.) 4. While we're speaking of technology, for those of you who lived in the 20th century, television is also out for now. (Do you know how ugly the New World would look with antennas sticking up all over the place?) Have you ever seen a satellite dish in any of the Society's New World illustrations? Didn't think so. We promised to get you here, and you made it - that's great. But you're not going to be able to catch up on all the movies, sporting events, or Star Trek episodes that you missed after you died. And don't even THINK about reality shows. 5. One of the blessings of the New World is peace with the animal realm, so it is sad that some are engaging in practical jokes. For example, on at least three occasions, friends have evacuated the water and beaches of the shore when someone on land thought it would be funny to yell "Shark!" This put a good scare in everyone until they realized that sharks are now as timid as minnows. It may have been funny watching your brothers and sisters run from the water, but this isn't loving, is it? 6. In the Old World, when asked, "What do you want to do in the New World", almost everyone has said, "learn to play an instrument." Therefore, many are doing this today. Please…we beg you -- JUST STOP. Realize that you're not a very good musician. There are other talents you could pursue at this time. Music is just not one of them. However, if you insist on continuing, could you at least keep it down please? Close the windows? Shut the doors? Practice in a closet? Someday you may perfect this. But you will not be perfect for at least 1,000 years and neither will your playing. Consideration people, that's all we're asking. 7. Finally, we're all happy to be here in the New World and there is much work to do. Everyone is required to work, and we do have sufficient time off to rest and recreate. Yet, it has been reported that some brothers have attempted to call in and take SICK DAYS. Brothers, there are NO SICK DAYS. This is the New World, remember? Does the expression "No resident will say, 'I am sick.'" sound familiar?  You may have been able to use this excuse for your worldly employer, but it won't be accepted here. Now, we hope everyone will cooperate with these points for the benefit of everyone. http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/192175/1/2-Year-Meeting-After-Armageddon-Circulating-Email

YIPES!  In 2014 it's 100 years since the BIG 1914! The End really is near..... (of another big Watchtower false prophecy!)

From awaken2004:  A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St Peter asks, "Religion?" The man replies, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24 but be very quiet as you pass room 8." Another man arrives at the gates of heaven St. Peter:  "Religion?" Baptist." St. Peter:   "Ok got to room 18 but be very quiet as you pass room 8." A third man arrives at the gates. St. Peter: "Religion?" Man: "Jewish." St. Peter:  "Go to room 11 but be very quiet as you pass room 8." The man says "I can understand there being differen room for different religions, but why must I be quiet as I pass room 8?" St. Peter tells him:   "Well the Jehovah's Witnesses are in room 8, and they think they are the only ones here." Once upon a time, three Jehovah’s Witnesses passed away on Christmas Eve.  All three professed to be of the anointed and indeed all three went right up to heaven before God’s throne. The holy apostle Peter stepped forward in the light and said, “Hey, guess what!  Christmas is okay for Christians.  So each of you must possess something  that symbolizes Christmas in order to stay here.” The first JW, an older sister, searched in her purse and found a miniature battery.  She turned it on and said, “Why, look, Brother Peter, this symbolizes a powerful candle.” “Okay, you can stay,” said Peter. The second JW, a fairly young woman, reached into her pocket and pulled out some keys.  She jingle-jangled them excitely and said, 'These are  my bells.” Peter said “Wow!  Great!  You definitely get to stay, too!” The third, a thirty-one year old JW brother, searched desperately through his pants pockets until at last he  pulled out a pair of women's panties. Peter looked at the man, frowned deeply and said, “And just what do you think those are, Anointed Brother??” The man replied said, “Ahem!  Uh,.... mmmmm, theocratically speaking, Brother Peter, these are Carols.”

From Emptyinside: What do you get when you cross an agnostic with a Jehovah's Witness? Someone who goes door-to-door, but doesn't know why. You might be a JW if you think you're engaged if you put your arm around a girl during the meetings. (from Waiting) You might be a JW if you have to sneak to the Salvation Army to donate clothes to help out the poor. You might be a JW if you want to become an elder so you can ask all the intimate details! You might be a JW if you think that a good time on a date is underlining paragraphs together.

SOME QUICK LITTLE JOKES Galatians 5:22 lists "joy" as one of the fruits of God's Holy Spirit.  Therefore some fun including Christian jokes is AOK.  Laughter is natural and the Bible says it makes the heart happier too: Q: Which JW brother has two legs and no ears?  A: The one who called at Mike Tyson's door!  (Explanation: Tyson, a major pro-boxer, once bit off part of an opponent's ear) Q: What do you call it when you see a shed full of "holy pigs" while out preaching in the country?        A: A kingdom hog! They say a Sister isn’t complete until she’s married; then she’s finished! Q. What did little JW Baby Corn say to big JW Mama Corn? A. Where's JW poppa Corn gone? The Society Says: We aren't growing to the eye, but that's only because we're growing invisibly. Did you know David Letterman once said: The Jehovah's Witnesses sex scandal started its first day in court today. When they knocked on the door of the courthouse, nobody answered the door. Q. Why was the Sister disfellowshipped after working in the orange juice factory? A. She couldn't concentrate. Q. Did you hear about the Body's new way of saving money? A. Sell the old kingdom halls and Brooklyn skyscrapers to build a new palace in upstate New York! Don't beg for money, Crookland hates competition! Q. Do you know the new sign that Bethel is considering instead of "Read the Bible Daily"?     A. "Read the Watchtower Daily; a clear conscience is just the sign of a bad memory." Q. What does Brooklyn say about money?     A.  Well, Brooklyn says "All that money can't buy you happiness but it sure pays our bills!" Confusius say: "Brother who run behind car get exhausted, but Brother who run in front of car get tired and run over." If you think about it, one of the main reasons JWs don't celebrate Halloween is that we don't like people running up to our door and ringing the bell. Once upon a time there was a dog named Tax. French Bethel opened the door and income Tax.

How many Bethelites does it take to change a light bulb?  A hundred because since they all live in Brooklyn they have to keep changing it for "new light." Q. Did you hear about the Awake magazine on anti-gravity?   I just can't put it down! To quote Johnny Carson, "Why don't Jehovah's Witnesses get killed during an earthquake? They're always in your doorway." Q. What did Sister Bee say to handsome Brother Flower who was in the kingdom hall doorway?   A. Hey, Honey Bud, when you gonna open up? The wisest, most honest Elder once simply said..... go ask a Sister! A. Brother So-and-so of the Governing Body has a new teaching about the anointed sisters.  He says Revelation says there was "a great silence in heaven," so he thinks no sister is anointed.  Q. Did you hear why the Energizer Bunny can't go back to publishing door-to-door? A. The Elders say he's not "repentant" that he was charged with Battery! You know, Jews don't recognize Jesus as the Messiah, Protestants don't recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith, and Jehovah's Witnesses certainly don't recognize each other at a porn shop. Q. Since Sister Ice Cream was disfellowshipped, where does she go to school now? A. Sundae School. A householder once stumped a Sister by asking "If Jesus were in the hospital and needed an operation, could he get a blood transfusion from God?"